" Let Them": A Parenting Shift We All Need to Hear
Josie
3 min read
Why letting go could be the key to young people’s wellbeing
If you're raising or working with young people right now, you’ve probably felt it: the rising levels of anxiety, overwhelm, and self-doubt. I’ve seen it firsthand in my own teaching career. Bright, capable children and teenagers paralysed by the fear of making a mistake. Exhausted by social pressure. Riddled with anxiety about exams, their future, and the state of the world.
And I’m not imagining it.
According to Young Minds UK, as of 2023, 1 in 6 children aged 5–16 had a probable mental health disorder, and nearly half of young people aged 17–19 showed signs of a diagnosable mental health condition.¹ That’s a staggering figure—and it’s increasing.
The reasons are complex. But one truth is becoming harder to ignore: the way we parent might need to shift.
Are We Passing On Our Worry?
As parents and carers, we want the best for our children. We want to protect them from disappointment, failure, and harm. But too often, we unknowingly pass on our own fears—about grades, jobs, friendships, the economy, even the climate crisis—until our children start to carry our emotional load alongside their own.
We step in too quickly. We soften every fall. We try to anticipate every challenge and smooth it out before it happens.
But when we remove struggle, we also remove growth. When we try to control every outcome, we unintentionally send the message:
“You can’t handle this without me.”
And over time, that message sticks.
Instead of helping, we may be disempowering the very people we’re trying to support.
Then I Came Across the “Let Them” Theory
Mel Robbins, a bestselling author and speaker, introduced a simple but transformative idea:
“Let them.” (And " Let Me")
Let people do what they’re going to do. Let them make mistakes. Let them be wrong. Let them learn the hard way. Let them live their own journey.
And when applied to parenting, it’s not about neglect or disinterest. It’s about stepping back with love and belief in their ability to figure things out.
As Mel puts it, " Let Them face the world, with a loving arm around their shoulders"
What If We Let Them…?
Let them fail a test.
Let them wear that weird outfit.
Let them navigate a falling-out with a friend.
Let them feel bored or frustrated.
Let them try, fall, and try again.
Because the only way to feel capable is to be allowed to cope.
Children can’t grow confidence if we never give them the space to feel competent.
What I Witnessed in Schools
In my years working in education, I’ve met hundreds of students who were bright, kind, and full of potential—but deeply anxious. They didn’t trust themselves. They avoided risks. They froze in the face of difficulty. They expected adults to fix everything for them.
And I don’t blame them. Somewhere along the way, we stopped letting children experience the natural consequences of life. We replaced curiosity with caution. We made every stumble feel like a catastrophe.
Why “Letting Them” Is the Most Loving Thing We Can Do
Letting go isn’t about abandoning our kids. It’s about being there in a different way.
As Mel Robbins puts it:
“Let them face the world with your arm around their shoulders.”
Not dragging them forward. Not shielding them from every discomfort. But walking beside them—calm, supportive, and trusting.
When we “let them,” we give them:
Autonomy – “My choices matter.”
Resilience – “I can handle hard things.”
Confidence – “Even when I mess up, I’m OK.”
Emotional strength – “I don’t need to avoid all discomfort to feel safe.”
Final Thoughts
There’s no perfect way to parent, and every child is different. But I truly believe that giving children more space—space to fail, to figure things out, to discover their own limits and strengths—is one of the most powerful gifts we can offer. Our job is to create happy, capable people who have a belief in their own ability to get things done and deal with problems, with our unconditional love as a solid and safe foundation.
Let them get it wrong.
Let them be uncomfortable.
Let them become who they’re meant to be.
Sources:
Young Minds UK. (2023). Mental Health Statistics
Mel Robbins: The Let Them Theory
