How to discover what you love

After leaving work, I read all the books, many of which told me to get back in touch with my passions. But after 35 years of working and raising a family, I had forgotten. In fact, I wasn't sure I'd ever really known. And having spoken to many friends at the same age and stage as me, I don't think I am alone in this. As a child I was trained to put others first and not take up space. Like many, my family dynamic was difficult and there was often conflict and general pessimism. My job was to create peace and harmony and not add to the problems, so I became a people-pleaser and a general 'chivvier'.

Following this, I threw everything into my career followed by motherhood. I carelessly tossed my career aside, despite it being the first time I felt recognised as being good at something, because I was determined to create the happy family that I had wanted so much as a child. So the empty-nest stage has hit me hard- family had been my main focus for decades and I had compromised on a career that fitted around school holidays, but didn't tick the boxes for me. I found myself in a career-cul-de-sac and still working around school holiday times, even though my boys had left home. So when trying to think about what I enjoyed, I drew a blank.

I always love a good structured process, so I thought that there must be a system to help me. How could I discover any natural talents that had never been explored? I read about Howard Gardner's theory of Multiple Intelligences from the 1920s. These are: Linguistic, Logical-mathematical, Musical, Bodily- kinaesthetic, Spatial and interpersonal.

I also researched the Big Five Personality Traits, which are: Openness to Experience, Conscientiousness, Extraversion, Agreeableness and Emotional Sensitivity. Putting this information together, I decided that I wanted to explore Music ( I have never learned an instrument, but suspect that I have a naturally good ear). I also want to try my hand at making something, design and travel.

This exercise was enlightening, but gave me a long list of things that I wanted to try, which kept me stuck for a while. I couldn't do all of them and I didn't want to choose. In the end, I wrote them all down and listed them in the order that I would try things. I didn't need to choose, I just needed to decide which I would try first and find quick ways to test out these different skills. My first three are dance, craft and music. I have joined a dance-exercise class, have signed up for the local Rock Choir and also a weekend jewellery-making course. I'm just at the beginning of discovering what I love but the journey is never dull.

If you would like to try a quiz to discover your hidden talents, you can get it here